Free Write: Death and Doubts

Live life, believe in yourself, and remember you are beautiful. This is what Hope was told when she was younger. She grew up with this motto in her head until she hit middle school. Hope walks into her house and sees a baby crawl across the floor.

“Why is baby noah here?” she asks.

“Hope, I need to tell you something. Please sit down and listen before you say anything,” her mom pleads.

“Okay, I do not remember doing anything wrong mom. I am really sorry, please just tell me what I did,” shakingly said Hope.

“Please do not freak out. GG loved you and she would never want to hurt you,” said her mom.

“What happened to GG? A little bit ago you said she was not doing well and I prayed mom it must have helped her,” questioned Hope.

“Hope, she is gone. She is up in heaven. Please do not push me away, I am here for you,” she said sympathetically.

Hope starts feeling her blood stop and her heart feels as if it was pulled vain by vain out of her body. Her eyes start to flood with tears and the only thing she thinks of doing is running up to her room and never coming out. Hope closed the door and hid under the covers as if the covers could block out reality.

“Hope! Please don’t run, I am here for you and so is baby Noah,” her mom said as she ran after her.

The tears seeped into her blanket as she let out all of her pain and agony into that room. All of the memories of GG started flowing in and out of her brain like a river.

“I can’t believe God would do this to me,” exclaimed Hope.

“Honey, God did not do this to you. He helped GG out of her suffering. Now GG is in heaven and she is with Tiger,” said Hope’s mom.

“Please just leave me alone! I don’t want to see anyone,” Hope said before realizing who crawled into the room.

Hope’s mom lifted baby Noah onto the bed and let him crawl over to her. He tried his best to untangle Hope from her blanket. She peeked out of the blanket to see who was touching her and she hugged baby Noah. He looked at her and smiled which made he feel the slightest bit better. Immediately she thought what am I going to do without my great grandmother? She was so much like Hope. They both loved opal stones, cats, and the color blue.

I am “Hope”. I based this small story off of my personal experience. Ever since my great grandmother died in sixth grade I have never been as happy as I was. It was the first death of a family member that I vividly remember. Later in my life, I started thinking negative things about myself and I could not stop. All throughout middle school and the start of freshman year I put on a fake smile to make people think I was okay. I stopped believing in any higher power because of this very moment and I regret it. The only reason I cannot go to church is because everytime I walk in I feel like GG is connected to me and I tear up. Death is a hard thing to cope with, but you cannot ever “get over” it. It will always stay with you, which means you will have to fake it until you make it.